Motherhood is the most beautiful and joyful role I have been privileged to experience. However, it has been quite a rollercoaster ride. As an Occupational therapist, I felt well-equipped and prepared to take on the new role of motherhood; I felt confident that the transition from pregnancy to postpartum would be smooth. Well, hehe. Once I had my daughter, I was not ready for the inability to recall or support myself despite all my knowledge, experience, and education.

Along with all the physical and emotional struggles of early postpartum, I lacked support. The world was one year into COVID-19, and my husband and I lived in Santa Barbara, about 90 miles away from all our family and friends in Los Angeles. I had no one locally to lean on and felt isolated in our home. A memory I have firmly entrenched is when I broke down while speaking to my parents; I felt like a failure; I didn't know what I was doing; I cared for my newborn, met all her needs, and loved her so much. However, I was wasting away--feeling like a shell of a person as I could not meet my basic activities of daily living, including eating. My parent's asked me to stay with them and help facilitate the support I needed during the day, as my husband worked traditional hours and exhausted his paternity leave. 

Along with my mental and psychosocial struggles were the physical ones too. Like many new mothers, I had breastfeeding challenges; I was incorrectly diagnosed and treated for mastitis and thrush. I remember how painful it felt to nurse; attempts to sit and rest caused me shooting pains in my breast, and there was no relief. I was referred to a new provider, an MD who was a breast oncologist, a maternal mental health specialist, and a lactation consultant. I was finally correctly diagnosed with "milk blebs" due to hyperlactation; I can't even describe the sentiment of finally being correctly diagnosed and feeling seen. 

Although my breastfeeding challenges were addressed, and I generally felt better, I still suffered from intense, intrusive thoughts of physical harm to myself or my baby. It was debilitating and again interfering with my ability to engage in my desired occupations. I finally decided enough was enough and sought help. I returned to my MD and finally voiced to someone what I was feeling; I needed the support of pharmacological intervention to begin my healing journey. With time, I could utilize my OT lens to support my day-to-day and facilitate positive engagement with my new routines and roles. I identified a community of mothers, and life was just better. There will always be challenges to overcome. However, I know how to use my toolbox to support myself or when to reach out to another provider or my community. 

We're only human; motherhood is hard, and your feelings are valid and important. Let's normalize our psychological and physical changes.

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From one mother to another, I'm here for you. Do you want to discuss how Occupational therapy can support your new roles, routines, and occupations? Lets chat.