Trigger warning: Miscarriage, pregnancy loss, TTC
A while back, I shared our fertility journey. My aim was to normalize discussions about taboo topics, with miscarriages and pregnancy loss being among them. If you haven’t read my previous blog post and would like to, you can find it [here].
I’ve embarked on numerous new projects and businesses, experiencing a positive transformation in both my physical well-being and overall life. The monthly stress and anxiety that accompanied my menstrual cycle used to evoke feelings of anger and frustration. However, hindsight is 20/20. Now, I revel in the joy of creating, feeling a newfound healthiness in my body and marriage without the pressure. I savor the present, witnessing our beautiful gal grow, cherishing moments with Aaron, and nurturing the families I support in my practice.
Recently, someone asked me, “Are you pregnant yet?” and it definitely read crass. Had I been in a different space within my mental health, that may have destroyed me, but it didn’t (because of everything I’ve noted above). I simply responded, “No, not yet,” and left it alone. In this time, I’m also so lucky to have many of my close friends give birth to new babies and others who are currently pregnant. Some of them have warmly let me know, acknowledging that it may make me happy and sad, and I love my beautiful friends for being so empathetic. Gladly and confidently, I feel no sadness that we’re not pregnant; I feel nothing but beautiful feelings for my friends and the babies I get to hold, smell, and love.
And truthfully, I’ve been having a great time working on projects. A million years ago (in my very young 20s), I received a horrible tattoo. A tattoo I’ve detested since I got it in a very obvious area: my right upper arm. I have so many beautiful pieces of work all over my body, but of course, that was the one thing everyone saw first. It affected my self-esteem, and finally, after many many years, I had it covered this past November. I could have cried with the happiness it brought me not to have such an undesirable reminder of a decision I made before my frontal lobe was fully intact. Haha. Anyway, I decided I’d start and finish my arm while I’m not pregnant. It’s been my little activity. I’m finally at a place where I have all my little pieces in play. I’m really happy with where I am in life, and I still believe our babe will come when it’s meant to. If it doesn’t happen, well, we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.
Love, a tattooed mama and professional nurturer, Dr. Monica
PS. Don’t get tattooed before you’re 25!!!